Tuesday, August 30, 2005

The Chemicals

My emotions are completely out of control this morning. I can't get over what's happening in New Orleans. My best friend's family lives down there and they've pretty much lost everything. But it's not just the news coverage that's making me cry. It's everything. It's every stimulus I come in contact with. I can’t even listen to a slow song on the radio without crying. I hate this feeling. I hate knowing that what I’m feeling is completely irrational. I hate that hormones can have this much of an effect on me.

I can't help but wonder how much of who I am is simply chemical. All of it? Is there really an entity called “self”? Or is there just an everchanging body of chemicals creating varying responses?

I guess when you get down to it, nothing is solid--not our planet, not our bodies, not our minds, and certainly not our personalities. If we are made up of atoms, and the subatomic particles of atoms are constantly in motion, then everything that we are is an illusion of a constant thing. We have an illusion of body and an illusion of self. In reality I guess we're all just an everchanging stream of energy.

In that case, I might as well have some more chips and watch Beaches....