Thursday, October 13, 2005

Real Life 101

I think I am starting to figure out why we have such a high divorce rate in this country. We have ridiculous romantic expectations of what it means to be married.

Yesterday I was reading one of the hundreds of pregnancy websites I read on a daily basis and stumbled upon a forum about husbands who refuse to be in the delivery room with their wives. Hundreds of men had posted comments saying they "had a weak stomache" or "couldn't stand to see their wife in pain" or, and this is my favorite, "didn't think they would be able to have sex with her again after seeing all of that gross stuff down there." And lots of women posted too, saying that they would rather be alone for the birth of their child then ruin their sex lives.

Are you fucking serious? Exactly what did these people think they were getting themselves into when they got married? I know people like this from college--people whose parents sheltered them from every possible bad thing in life. These are the same kids, who now that they are working, get terribly upset when their boss doesn't shower them with praise and promote them after a month. They expect their married lives to be a cross between "Leave it to Beaver" and a porn flick, where no one poops, no one vomits, no one bleeds, no one gets fat, no one dies, and everyone has perfectly shaven legs and bikini lines at all times. Each night they come home to their beautiful spouse and have a gourmet dinner before putting their honor student kids to bed and having a night of kinky porn star sex. Oh yeah, and they're fabulously wealthy.

Real life is not clean and sexy. My husband (who will DEFINITELY be present for the birth of our child) and I WORK at our marriage. That's what it's all about. Loving someone means that you are there for them no matter what, ESPECIALLY when things get bloody and gross--and they inevitably will. How do these people expect to deal with baby poop and vomit and seeing a loved one slowly die from a terminal illness?

My solution? I have decided that every person in America should be forced to take a class in high school called Real Life 101. This class would teach them about real life finances (i.e. how to live within your means and not run up massive credit card debt) real life marriage and all the difficulties that come with it, real life parenting, and real life work.

I think many Americans would probably flunk.....