Monday, July 18, 2005

Confessions of a blonde, hip-hop dancing, movie spoiler

This weekend was a weekend of self-discovery. I have realized a few things about myself this weekend and they are as follows:

***I am, and will always be a blonde. I came to this realization at the hair salon on Saturday after getting some kick ass highlights. Sure, I experimented with going natural for a while. I was even a brunette for a few months out in LA. But somehow I just keep coming back to blonde. So now I have officially submitted to the blonde. It is useless for me to try to be anything else. Resistance is futile.

***I will never be a professional hip-hop dancer. My dreams of touring with Justin Timberlake as a back-up dancer have officially come to an end. On Saturday morning I went to a hip-hop class at this dance studio called “Planet Funk.” The instructor was a hip dude who wore baggy jeans, a wife-beater under an unbuttoned shirt, and a wiggity wiggity whack trucker hat tilted ever so slightly a la Kevin Federline. I didn’t have a problem keeping up with the choreography. In fact, I was one of the quickest learners in the class. But it just didn’t look the same when I did it. I just looked so goofy and so very very white. I think I may have even snuck in a white man’s overbite. Oh well, I’m still going back next week. Maybe soul can be learned. Don’t count me out yet, J.T.

***I am a hopeless movie spoiler. If there is a logical inconsistency in a movie, I have to point it out. I know it’s annoying, but I just can’t help myself. It bothers me. We went to see a movie on Friday night and there was a scene in one of the previews where a woman with a tracheotomy drinks wine and the wine squirts out of the hole in her neck. Everyone in the movie theater thought this was just hilarious except for me. I had to point out that the trachea and esophagus are separate tubes and foodstuffs that are consumed could not come out of a tracheotomy hole unless the person had inhaled them. If they were not separate tubes then the food we ate would end up in our lungs. I was told to shut up. I don’t mean to do it, but I just can’t help it. Why can’t people make movies that aren’t stupid?